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New Beginnings (DW Idol, week 1)

Here we are again, back at my in-laws' place in southwestern Florida. This week has been a roller-coaster ride, not only for us but for all those closest to us. It was supposed to be a vacation, one which started last Sunday, but everything got all muddled up around the middle of last week.

It started with a telephone interview for a job I very much wanted. The interview went very well, and they asked me to come to Bethesda for an in-person interview. Had it happened, that interview would have taken place yesterday. Instead, I spent yesterday (and the day before yesterday, as well as today) driving my way back down the coast from our vacation in upstate New York. The organization wanted someone to start far sooner than I could have managed to relocate my family from Florida and the majority of our stuff from storage in New York. One potential new beginning, ended.

Fast forward, then, to Sunday night. We were due to leave central New York the following morning, making a quick stop in western New York before beginning the trek south. This is where the real turmoil began. I don't know why it was so much harder to say goodbye this time. Perhaps it's that my son (now 2 1/4 years old) is so much more verbal than he was when we last visited, and was so vocal about his goodbyes and how much he missed his grandma after we parted ways. Or perhaps it's that his grandma (my mother), broke down sooner than usual - while she was still in my arms, sharing a farewell hug. Whatever the cause, I was a wreck, and I was convinced that I simply could not return to Florida. Hours later, after he held me as I sobbed, my husband had agreed to contact his former employer in western New York, and ask for his old job back - the job he hated, the job we had agreed was going to be an absolute last resort. But, my emotionally-charged self insisted, perhaps after 7 months, we were at the stage of "last resort."

Before we left our motel room the next morning, my husband had the name of someone to talk to in a different department from the one he left. It was in a whole different building, and I was convinced it would be better. This would be the new beginning we've been needing. Why, then, did all signs seem to be pointing against it? We turned onto the Thruway, and my eye caught the sign in the other direction, saying, "Wrong Way." My stomach felt queasy all morning and afternoon, and when he called me from the office building, the words, "So I appear to have a job," did not fill me with elation. Nor were they particularly enthusiastic in tone.

Yet it wasn't until hours later - after visiting with a friend and suffering a near-panic-attack when my husband told me it was snowing outside, and after utterly failing to find anything remotely within our price range for apartments - that I finally said to him, "I don't want this." All day, I kept shaking my head, seemingly at random. In truth, I was reacting to the myriad thoughts flitting through my head. Desperate though I am to get on our feet again, this was another false start.

Now, this evening, we've arrived back to our temporary home, armed with to-do lists and with goals firmly in our minds. Somewhere, there is a new beginning waiting for us. Sometime, and I hope it will be soon, we will open the right door, and we'll start to get our lives under our own control again.

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off

This is one crazy-assed road I've been on for the past 24 hours. Last night was mostly composed of sobbing on the floor of the motel room, cuddling with O, letting him hold me as I sobbed uncontrollably, and saying lots of, "I can't do this!" In the end, we agreed that he would call his former employer (pre-Xerox) and ask what opportunities might be available. He did that this morning, got a name for someone in a department that was hiring, and met with him. He was offered a job.

We made a snap decision, and started telling people that we were moving back here. While talking to Beth, though, I became more and more aware that ... this doesn't feel right. This isn't where either of us wants to be, the job isn't one he wants to take, and we're just FINALLY starting to see results in FL. Plus, there's a job fair in Tampa next month, so that holds more potential, too.

If all this wasn't enough... the job would barely pay more than O makes on unemployment (about 1/2 what he made at Xerox), and living anyplace that wouldn't require at least a 30-45 minute commute would cost more than we could afford or be in neighborhoods we feel safe in. Plus, he was miserable there. Not so much in the second department he was in, but he still wasn't himself.

We aren't saying no to the job. Not yet. But we're no longer jumping at it. We are going to go ahead with our plans to drive back down to Florida, and make our decision by the end of the week. We're scared, both of us. We're scared to take it and be stuck right where we were before L was born, or worse. And we're scared that if he doesn't take it, nothing else will come along. (I'm more scared of that than he is. He has a really positive outlook, based on the fact that things were starting to look up for us, before we took this vacation.)


I REALLY need a vacation from this vacation. I'm actually looking forward to the 3 days in the car on the way back because it will be more relaxing than what the end of this vacation has been.


(Comments disabled because there are ALREADY too many conflicting thoughts in my head, and O and I just need to figure this all out for ourselves.)

Not this time...

E-mail received today, re: my aforementioned interviewCollapse )

Logistics got in the way again. Following the schedule she would need, I would be in Maryland until Friday, drive for two days back to Florida... to then pack everything up and be moved to Maryland by the following Tuesday. That's just not possible.

Job hunting from out-of-state is hard. :/

Right now, I'm leaning towards continuing work on our own business plan while also searching for work in FL itself. I think that will be easier to manage. I don't want to close any doors, obviously, but that is my current feeling.

Signal Boost Request

Alright, I'm getting desperate. O lost his job in July - 6 months ago. We moved to FL in August. In the past 5 months, I've had a 3-week temp assignment. And nothing else. No interviews, nothing. O has had not even a bite, either. We need a new plan. I want to move back to NY. O would rather end up in the DC area. The Boston area is also a consideration. These are the areas we're now concentrating on, all but completely abandoning the FL idea entirely because it is just not panning out.

What I am asking of my readers is this: boost our signal, please. If you know anyone in NY (specifically upstate, ideally Albany or Ithaca areas) or the DC/MD/VA areas who might be in the market for an part-time office assistant/writer/editor (any or all of the above, and full-time will be considered, for the right position) and/or a jack-of-all-trades IT guy who specializes in web design, social media marketing, and UNIX administration... send them our way, please.

Feel free to repost this, ideally with a link back to this post, or copy it into an e-mail to send out to everyone you know, or whatever you need to do to get the word out.

A couple of you have already responded to similar request I put out via e-mail, and I thank you wholeheartedly for your help. But the further we can spread the word, the more likely it is that the message will reach the right ears and eyes.

Thanks!

Love-meme

"I know that 2009 was pretty horrid for a lot of people. One way we might make 2010 a bit better is to spread some love around. So if you care to reply to this post I will give you a response of something I like about you.

If you like participating in these sorts of things and want to repost this in your LJ that'd be fun, too."

(stolen from nounsandverbs)

Tags:

Year in Review

2009 brought a lot of change - some good, some way less than good.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Went through most of the process of buying a house, moved out of NYS, visited Florida, drove down the East coast, got a paid writing gig.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made any. Generally speaking, I'd rather just work on continually setting goals for myself, rather than making yearly resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My oldest friend had a little girl in late-August.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
We had to put my eldest cat to sleep after he went feral and attacked Oliver.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada, just once, back in January

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
a job

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 8th - it was when [personal profile] kolys lost his job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
not (completely) falling apart when our lives got turned upside down

9. What was your biggest failure?
the times when I've lost my temper or said things that were unkind

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing major

11. What were the best things you bought?
nothing is immediately springing to mind

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband, for being so supportive and loving, and for being such a wonderful daddy.
All of my friends and family who supported us when times got difficult, and those who helped us to move all our stuff into storage before we moved out of state.
My in-laws, for allowing us to use their vacation home until we can get on our feet.
The friends and family who helped us during the home-buying process.
My son, for being the smart and amazing little guy he is!

13. Whose behavior appalled you?
Xerox - for allowing their bureaucracy to totally contradict itself and defy logic

14. Where did most of your money go?
rent

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
buying our first home

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I can't honestly think of one.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Hmm... some of each.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same, I think. Maybe a little thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spent time with my family and friends in NY.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
focusing on the negative

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my boys, in our PJs, watching Christmas specials on TV and relaxing around the house with yummy snacks and each other's company.

21. Why is there no Question 21?
I don't know; I didn't write the questions.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I fell in love with places, and remained in love with people.

23. How many one-night stands?
0

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Veronica Mars

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I'm still very bitter with Xerox, but I think I'm starting to let it go.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Night Listener by Armistead Maupin, though I'm also really enjoying the one I just started today: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hmm - I don't know as though I made any musical discoveries this year! I surprised myself recently by enjoying Taylor Swift's single and there have been other things I've liked... but nothing stands out, which is really weird!

28. What did you want and get?
a gorgeous new camera for my birthday, a healthy and mostly-happy family, a visit from my mom, a new spiritual-home, someplace to stay when O lost his job

29. What did you want and not get?
a job (well, several jobs, really), a house, a new (to us) car

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't see many films, honestly, but Up was especially good

31. What did you do on your birthday?
My husband took me out to dinner at a restaurant on the beach, which our son spent the evening with a babysitter

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Employment

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Mostly - comfortable and casual. I was a SAHM most of the year, and often didn't leave my house other than for walks with the Bug.

34. What kept you sane?
My boys, writing.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Edward Cullen from the books - I don't find Robert Patinson all that attractive, but the character ... Mmmm. :) Also, I kinda had a crush on Jason Dohring.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
It's a tie between health care reform and gay marriage rights

37. Who did you miss?
In the last part of the year, almost everyone.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't think I would claim ONE person as the best, but I've met some great folks down here - all from my church.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
You just never know.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door
In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
Things can get a little strange

2 Ferrets Looking for a Home

My friends in Western MA are trying to rehome two female ferrets. More information here, if you're interested.

It's time for a new plan

I'm not sure the "one year in Florida" plan is actually going to come to fruition. We've both changed our focus a little since coming back from NY and me starting this temp. job and such. It started with a resume-request from one of O's friends, for a position in Palo Alto, CA. This is the same company he was considering during the summer, but we ruled it out because of location. Now, however, we're starting to wonder if we need to change location because let's face it - things have not been all that promising for us here in Florida. We'd both been hoping this possible position was in the company's DC-area office, but it turned out to also be in CA.

However, the company does have a similar (though not identical) position in their DC office. This realization got some wheels turning for both of us, and we're both feeling like maybe that area is the way to go. If anywhere is going to have a decent job market at all, it's going to be that area first. And we have friends there. And the seasons, while much milder than NY, still change there. And it's closer to NY. And there are long-term opportunities there in fields we both desperately want to get into.

And it's not on the west coast, which is looking to be our other major option. If we have to do that, we will. But neither of us want to, particularly. (The thought of it still makes me want to cry; I'm just afraid of closing any doors right now.)


I am posting this as a desperate plea for prayers/positive thoughts/etc. Please keep us in your thoughts in the coming weeks as we try to put this new plan in motion. Please pray that this works out for us in the way we are hoping. I am praying as hard as I can, myself.

Dumbass

I left the keys in the ignition last night, and not fully turned off. The car won't start this morning. Waiting for Geico's roadside assistance folks to come help. Great impression to make during my first week of work, no?

*sigh*

Gross

Does anyone have a good remedy for antibiotic-induced diarrhea in a toddler? Filling him up with yogurt a couple times a day for the probiotics is not doing the trick. Not even close, in fact.

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